Monday, October 19, 2009
The government have just declared an emergency situation. An ordinary day had turned out to be something odd. The surrounding is getting darker and darker. Everyone is rushing to nowhere hoping they could flee from the indescribable heat. Picking every possible supplies they could carry along to their aimed spot. The people are yelling at each other, patience were lost leading to fights, barricades are set, vehicles jamming, cars honking, accidents everywhere, and an enormous fire from a distance can be seen. How could that possibly be? That out of the blue this ball of fire is emitting an intolerable suffering. The night is engulfing the day yet the scorching heat coming from the sun remains.
That was a scene from the movie Knowing which stars Nicolas Cage. I am not really a big fan of pirated movies and it disappoints me to see an unclear dvd copy. Yet my curiosity was captured by this one. What if you can actually predict the future? In this case, what if you just have figured out that the end of the world will be today, October 19, 2009 (as what the movie have showed)? What will you feel? Are you ready? I am not ready.The sky suddenly opens and reveals a gigantic ball-like structure. A very bright light comes from it as it opens. Could he be God the Father? What will I tell him? Will He let me come in before the earth will finally be perished? Or He'll tell me that I don't belong to the chosen ones? Honestly, I don't know and perhaps I do not really deserve to be one of them. I am a sinner.
As a child, I have sinned. Yes, I was attending Sunday Schools yet I was never been a good follower of Christ. I probably had attended merely because I wanted to see my crush way back in elementary or because of the snacks, the colorful easter eggs, the Christmas presentations and the field trips. I was a playmate you wouldn't want to have. I once planned out of the blue to trip somebody but she tripped right before I fulfilled my evil plan. When my grades dropped big time I tampered my report card so that my father won't beat me. I just wonder why my teacher wasn't able to recognize it?
As a young adult, I have sinned. I used to escape and lie from my father so I could come with my friends to outings. I hated those boys who teased me because of my mole and cursed them to vanish in the face of the earth. I overcharged my tuition fee and books so I can have extra money and spend extravagantly. Church was never my hang-out. I seldom give to beggars and was not a part of any socio-civic organizations that helps the needy.
As an adult, I have sinned. I jumped in the sack, I rolled in the hay. Fornication is the mortal sin that I am guilty of. In this world where premarital sex is near to acceptance, when almost everybody is doing the act, when you are old-fashioned if you hadn't tried it even once, when your peers laugh at you having discovered your still a virgin at the age of 21, I may gather raise of eyebrows but I still wish I never did it. I am a sinner and that reverberates in my whole entity.
The monstrous fire from the sun eats everything on its way. The skyscrapers disappeared in an instant and the tiniest crawling insect vanished in a blink of an eye. Ruthless as it is, it swallowed the blue planet not sparing the suffering humans.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I have in my hands two boxes which God gave me. He said,
"Put your sorrows in the black box and all your joys in the gold".
I obeyed and in the boxes both my sorrows and joys are stored. The gold became heavier but the black is as light as ever. When I opened the black box it had a hole at the bottom. I asked God where my sorrows went. God said it was all with Him. I asked God why the box had a hole. He said,
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings, the black is for you to let go"
Korek! Absolutely right! Instead of dwelling on sad things in life jumpjumpjump for joy ka na lang...Mas masarap tumawa kesa magpaka-emo.
The Baretto Sisters (Kapalmux Edition):
Marjorie
Claudine
Korek! Absolutely right! Instead of dwelling on sad things in life jumpjumpjump for joy ka na lang...Mas masarap tumawa kesa magpaka-emo.
The Baretto Sisters (Kapalmux Edition):
Marjorie
Claudine
Gretchen
Live.Laugh.Love
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Nakahiga. Nakatulala. Walang ginagawa.
Nakapikit. Nag-iisip. Tahimik.
Naiinis. Naghihinagpis. Tumatangis.
Minsan ko nang sinubok na sakyan ang iyong kagustuhan mapasaya ka lamang. Nilunok ang hiya, nagpaubaya at binali ang matatag na paniniwala. Naging maayos ang ating pagsasama, tila ba walang problema. Batid kong mali ngunit hinikayat ko ang aking sarili na tama ang aking ginagawa. Mali man sa paningin ng iba, magalit man ang aking pamilya, ngunit patuloy pa rin ako dahil nga mahal kita. Ganoon ba talaga kapag umibig? Sampung aral at mabuting asal ay dagliang pumapanaw? O bunga lang ito ng primitibo kong pananaw? Magkagayon man, hindi ito ang aking inaasahan.
Ayokong matawag na ipokrita at lalo ng mabansagang santa-santita. Ngunit ano ang aking magagawa kung madalas sumapi sa akin ang kaluluwa ni Maria Clara? Isama mo na rin si Laura. Hindi man ako naka-baro't saya na pagkahaba-haba, wala ring pamaypay na dala ngunit sa dugo ko may bahid pa rin ng pagkamanang ni Lola. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko na talaga kaya.
Kaya patawarin mo ako moderno kong Crisostomo Ibarra kung sa darating na mga araw ako'y maglalahong parang bula. Ako man ay mawala, hindi ito nangangahulugang pag-ibig ko rin ay sumama. Mahal kita walang duda. Kailangan ko lang linisin ang nadumihang pag-iisip, lumanghap ng sariwang hangin, at magmuni-muni sa mga bagay na nagpapaligalig sa akin. Nawa'y hindi ka magalit o magdamdam. Dahil kung ikaw ay masasaktan, dobleng sakit naman ang aking mararamdaman.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Hindi totoong hindi na kita mahal. Mahal kita tulad pa rin ng dati. Mahal na mahal kahit pa nga hindi ko alam baka bungal ka, kahit pa alam kong magkaibang-magkaiba tayo ng paniniwala sa ilang mga bagay-bagay na madalas pang ikinakainsecure mo, kahit pa nga may mga bagay na ayoko at ikinakatampo mo. Mahal kita kaya patuloy pa rin ako.
Close enough. Close enough kasi slightly tama ka. Sa totoo lang nahihirapan na ako. Baka nga ikaw din hirap na. Nakakapagod na rin pala ang ganitong routine.
Gigising ako,
mag-uusap tayo,
good afternoon,
magpipreppy na ako,
kakain na ako, magbabrush na ako.
O sige mag-i-scan lang ako ng socks,
naban yung ip address ko,
yung webcam mo,
sorry kinausap lang ako ni archie,
tatayo muna ako may maglalaro,
maganda to idownload mo.
Huhuhu late na ako,
Papasok na'ko ha
damihan mo offline messages mo ha,
Out na ako, i really gotta go.
Tell me when was the last time we talked
The one that led to a never ending bliss
The talk that left us giggling
It may be the lousiest yet made us laughing till our breaths burn out
Please remind me for my brain can barely recall the moment
They are forgotten as it is so hard to dig
You've been missing those talks as well aren't you?
I know how you crave for that day to finally come
You and I, only you and I in each other's arms
That will be so much fun
I wonder how you look?
Is your face as fragile as an innocent infant?
How does your skin feel next to mine?
Is your touch as delicate as a soft breeze from the ocean?
How's the fragrance emanating from you be like?
Will it linger in my nostril down to my lungs like a sweet potion I could not resist?
They are nothing but mere petty queries in my mind, waiting to be of known...
and will be left unknown, I guess.
As much as you feel that I don't love you anymore, ganun din ang nararamdaman ko. Alam kong magtatampo ka sakaling sabihin ko sayong hindi mo ako mahal. Babalik pa sa akin ang tanong at mapaparatangang nagdududa. Paratangan mo man ako, gusto ko pa ring malaman. Pagmamahal bang maituturing ang hindi pagtawag o pagtext man lang? Sabagay kasalanan ko, wala kasi akong roaming..mahal! So, mahal pala ang pagmamahal? Pagmamahal ba na alam mong nasasaktan ako, hindi mo pa rin nagawang tumawag? So, tama mahal nga na magmahal. Ang babaw ko talaga..hindi lang nakatawag nagdadrama na.
Pero isipin mo to, kung gusto maraming paraan, kung ayaw maraming dahilan. Pilit kong inuunawa kung ano man ang dapat na unawain. Ilang beses na rin akong nagtangkang sabihin sayo ang dapat mang sabihin. Ngunit sadya talagang napipipi ako. Mahina rin siguro, oo.
Tulungan mo naman ako, Ayoko to. Ayoko ng ganitong pakiramdam. Ayoko na emo ako. Ayokong malungkot. Help me, I don't wanna fall out of love with you.
;;
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