Hide and Seek

My friend described the post yesterday as plainly whining and an excuse to leave, well he's right. He's always right that I wanna beat the pants off this guy. Naaaah kidding. Little did I know, I sooner realized something.Why in the world did I whine like that when there are gazillion more positive things that I should be thankful about?

I should be thankful for everything that surrounds me. Ranging from the air that I breathe in which its absence could mean death to the sunshine peeping through the window pane that signals a new day, another chance to live fully. From the chirping bird that kept my sanity intact on that very quiet afternoon to that once in a blue moon rain that I almost forgot the feeling of getting wet by it. From the skyscrapers that I never get the chance to see back home and to the orange to red-orange sand where it is so nice to play. Too many reasons that I can barely narrow to ten.

There's this Indonesian utility man who barely speaks English and yet greets me cheerfully with the only Tagalog words he know in a very odd accent. "Kumusta ka? Malamig wala mainit?". Isn't it cute?  There's this Egyptian accountant who has been very kind to me and my friends since day one. He used to have like only a couple of polo shirt and pants but with my little teasing that he should try different outfits everyday, he changed. From then on he always ask me if the color of his shirt is good. I was even surprised when I told him to wear pink the next day and he did. See how this little appreciation works? There's this colleague/mother figure who has been acting like my second mother providing me everything I want from pandesal to a henna dye because I cannot buy it myself due to transportation problems. There are these kabayans that I get to pass by in the supermarkets, in Batha, everywhere, making me feel as if I'm home. There's this guy whom I considered to be one of my best friends who never fail to send me an offline message or an e-mail even if I fail to do so most of the times. Bet you, he's the only one who knows this hiding place. Think of the people whose considered an outcasts who have been avoided by others because of their differences, their color, their illnesses. The students who get bullied everyday at school. They are longing for a humanly love and care. For this, I am thankful to the people that I mingle with everyday whom also have their own quest in life yet in their own little way, makes mine memorable. 

Hey! I am lucky that the management is kind enough not to lock us in our pad like other clinic and hospital does. We do not even have a curfew for this reason we can go anywhere and anytime we want. Where else in the world will somebody give you a hundred rial simply because they appreciate your work? In the Philippines? No you can't. Oh! I remember I saved a thousand bucks from the free unlimited supply of electricity, water and LPG. I was also spared from the transportation hassle which I have been avoiding. Travelling long hours and the scorching heat going to and fro work is one thing that I really don't like back home. Think of these thousands of people who do not have a job or just have been kicked out. It must have been very difficult for them to undergo job interviews but later on rejected. For this, I am thankful for having this job that despite the meager income I am whining about, still I am fortunate.

I do not have any serious disease that I know of, let it be that way. Think of those people who's been suffering from cancer, those who have been struggling of AIDS, those who have just diagnosed to be an  HIV positive. It must be very hard to see yourself deteriorating gradually, to feel an extreme pain that no medicine can take away. To choose between good health and good looks, I'd rather be healthy. Being healthy is a luxury that no one should ever take for granted. I am thankful that I am healthy.

I never get filthy and hungry simply because I do not have a home to stay, clothes to wear, food to eat and water to bathe. Think of those beggars at street who satisfy their selves from improvising a shanty out of cartons or finding comfort under the bridges. These people who had fallen victims of the natural calamities worldwide and poverty. I have all the necessities that these people have been denied of and for this I am thankful.

I  have wonderful parents and a brother who have been showering me with love since the day they knew about me. They are always there to support me in everything I do, to guide me to the right path, to remind me that everything's gonna be okay, to tap my back whenever I need it, and to do anything for me. Think of those unborn children who were deprived of seeing the world or experience being hugged by their parents, those who were abandoned when they were little and those orphans who can barely remember how their parents look like. For this, I am thankful for having my family.

An education was never denied from me. I am lucky that my parents gave me this with all their capabilities. Think of the people who can't  find a descent job simply because they cannot present a diploma and instead they opted to loiter in streets to gamble just to spare some time or ended as thieves.  For this, I am thankful.

Sometimes it is advisable that we drop everything we do, feel the comfort of silence, breathe some air and reflect on the good fortunes that we actually have rather than contemplating over something. All of these positive things are just there around somewhere waiting to be appreciated and get noticed. Even the simplest of things such as the black cloak that I whined about. It protected me from the undesirable stares of those men who seemed in thirst of seeing a woman. The air condition that keeps you cold despite a very hot summer day, the heater that keeps you warm during winter, the world wide web for saving your ass at school or when boredom strikes, the chat clients that bridges the gap between you and your love ones (all hail the inventor of these technologies), the movies and the music, the malls, your comfortable bed, your cellphone, and everything you can think of. Although there might be some people that you can't stand looking at, it can never outnumber those people who's making a mark in your existence. Smile at them, greet them, make them feel loved. Make them also realize that life is a very precious gift that God has given us. It is too precious to be wasted in dwelling over the negative ones. For my life, I am thankful to God.

The government have just declared an emergency situation. An ordinary day had turned out to be something odd. The surrounding is getting darker and darker.  Everyone is rushing to nowhere hoping they could flee from the indescribable heat. Picking every possible supplies they could carry along to their aimed spot. The people are yelling at each other, patience were lost leading to fights, barricades are set, vehicles  jamming, cars honking, accidents everywhere, and an enormous fire from a distance can be seen. How could that possibly be? That out of the blue this ball of fire is emitting an intolerable suffering. The night is engulfing the day yet the scorching heat coming from the sun remains.

That was a scene from the movie Knowing which stars Nicolas Cage. I am not really a big fan of pirated movies and it disappoints me to see an unclear dvd copy. Yet my curiosity was captured by this one. What if you can actually predict the future? In this case, what if you just have figured out that the end of the world will be today, October 19, 2009 (as what the movie have showed)? What will you feel? Are you ready? I am not ready.

The sky suddenly opens and reveals a gigantic ball-like structure. A very bright light comes from it as it opens. Could he be God the Father? What will I tell him? Will He let me come in before the earth will finally be perished? Or He'll tell me that I don't belong to the chosen ones? Honestly, I don't know and perhaps I do not really deserve to be one of them. I am a sinner.

As a child, I have sinned. Yes, I was attending Sunday Schools yet I was never been a good follower of Christ. I probably had attended merely because I wanted to see my crush way back in elementary or because of the  snacks, the colorful easter eggs, the Christmas presentations and the field trips. I was a playmate you wouldn't want to have. I once planned out of  the blue to trip somebody but she tripped right before I fulfilled my evil plan. When my grades dropped big time I tampered my report card so that my father won't beat me. I just wonder why my teacher wasn't able to recognize it?

As a young adult, I have sinned. I used to escape and lie from my father so I could come with my friends to outings. I hated those boys who teased me because of my mole and cursed them to vanish in the face of the earth. I overcharged my tuition fee and books so I can have extra money and spend extravagantly. Church was never my hang-out. I seldom give to beggars and was not a part of  any socio-civic organizations that helps the needy.

As an adult, I have sinned. I jumped in the sack, I rolled in the hay. Fornication is the mortal sin that I am guilty of. In this world where premarital sex is near to acceptance, when almost everybody is doing the act, when you are old-fashioned if you hadn't tried it even once, when your peers laugh at you having discovered your still a virgin at the age of 21, I may gather raise of eyebrows but I still wish I never did it. I am a sinner and that reverberates in my whole entity.

The monstrous fire from the sun eats everything on its way. The skyscrapers disappeared in an instant and the tiniest crawling insect vanished in a blink of an eye. Ruthless as it is, it swallowed the blue planet not sparing  the suffering humans.

***photo credit - http://www.funsci.com/fun3_en/fire/fire_01.jpg

Show me how you do that trick 

Nagising ako sa mahinang kanta ni Indi. Akala ko alarm 'yun para sa pag-inom ko ng gamot, si madir pala tumatawag.

Actually hindi ko nasabi yan, eto talaga ang nangyari:





madir: kumusta na?..


ako: ok lang ako ma..


madir: bakasyon nyo na?


ako: opo


madir: bakit ang hina ng boses mo nak, lakasan mo naman konti?


ako: tulog pa po si Ezzie e (palusot)


madir: Ok...eto si papa kakausapin ka raw..


padir: anak miss na kita bakit di ka nagreply nagtext ako sayo nung friday.


ako: i miss you too pa, eh wala naman po akong nareceive e.


padir: ay nagtxt ako.


ako: wala po talaga.


padir: bakit matamlay ka?


ako: wala naman po.


padir: may boyfriend ka na ba diyan?


ako: wala po no. (hindi nila alam na may boyfriend ako at sa chat ko lang nakilala ni hindi pa 
nakikita, di nila maiintindhan yun, pano ko ipapaliwanag, kaya wala na lang..)


padir: ah kaya ka siguro matamlay hahaha..


ako: hahahaha pasaway ka pa!


Pinigil ko ang sarili kong tumawag sa Pinas nitong mga nakaraang araw.

Magaling si madir, sa boses ko pa lang alam niya kung may problema.

Ayokong mag-alala sila, ayokong tumaas ang blood pressure niya pag nalamang hindi ako ok.

Ngayon ko napatunayan na mahirap pala talaga magkasakit nang malayo sa pamilya.

Hindi naman talaga ako iyakin, at hindi rin emo pero tinamaan ako!

Nagana pa pala ang lacrimal glands ko na akala ko naglaho na.

Napaiyak ako noong nakaraang sabado.

Naiyak ako sa pisikal na sakit dulot ng GERD na ito,

ngunit mas nakakaiyak ang sakit na dulot ng pagkalayo sa pamilya ko.

Oo naawa ako sa sarili ko.

Gustuhin ko mang yakapin si madir maibsan man lang ang sakit pero papaano?

Gusto kong hilutin ni padir. Para kasi siyang may magic, kapag may lagnat ako noon, gumagaling agad ako kapag nahilot nya.

Kung dadaing ako paniguradong magpapanic sila. Ayoko. Tama ng ako lang ang nakakaalam.

Kaya fake a smile mj, fake a smile...or make it fake a laugh.

Pero natutuwa naman ako dahil sa kabila ng hirap na pinagdadaanan ko ngayon ay may nagpapasaya sa akin sa katauhan ni curacho. Sa kanya hindi ko kailangan ang "fake a smile". Patok sa akin mga patawa niya kahit pa simpleng smug smiley lang. Alam kaya niya na higit pa sa patawanin ako ang nagagawa niya sa buhay ko ngayon? Dahil kay curacho narealize ko na paramdam ito ni Big Bro. Tama siya. Medyo hindi na nga ako nakikipagkwentuhan ng masinsinan sa Kanya. Madalas tila "Hi, Hello, Bye" sabay tulog na lang ang ginagawa ko. Napabayaan ko na rin ang rosary na madalas kong hawak habang natutulog kahit pa hindi naman talaga ako nagrorosary.  Alam ko nalaglag iyon sa kama pero dahil antok na, di ko man lang pinulot. At 3 weeks ago nang dalawin ko Siya ay hihikab-hikab ako at bahagya pang naiidlip. Nakakahiya ako. Big Bro..I'm so sorry..bati na tayo..

Big Bro babawi ako. At sayo rin Curacho babawi ako..paulanan kita ng shokoleyts pero in moderation lang ang pagkain mo ha..alam mo na masama rin yun diba?